Don't Move Abroad!

Don't Move Abroad...Unless

"What?", I hear you cry? How could I say that? This is a blog site about travel, about being a nomad, an expat or emigrant (to know the difference between this, see this post)!

Here's what I am saying. I have lived abroad for 25 years and I have loved every minute of it. So why would I advise against it? Unless you are fleeing a dangerous country of course, I am saying, don't move abroad just for the sake of moving abroad. You should have a specific reason that leads you to the new country, a reason to be there. That could be, for example, to take a job or continue a relationship.

Ok, wait - perhaps there is a semantical distinction that needs to be made. I am not saying don't go abroad. When I say "move abroad", I mean relocating to a new country with the intention of staying there indefinitely, or even forever. That is technically emigrating. Digital nomads and expats are different: they have an expectation to return to their home country eventually, or at least they retain a sense of belonging to their original nation, might even continue to have a home base there.

But don't just move to, say, "Sweden" (just to pick a random example) because you think you'd like to live in Sweden. The difference between these motivational perspectives will make the all difference in how well you settle in, how happy you are there, and how long you are likely to stay.

If your main motivation to move to "Sweden" is that you are attracted to features of that country - be they cultural, social, political, economic - then the lens through which you view your experience there will mostly be one of comparing reality with your expectations. I posit that the reality will usually fall short.

At some point "real life" arrives - you need to have a career, you need social contact, you need to integrate into the culture somewhat - all things that probably actually have little to do with that list of "pros and cons of Sweden" that you made back home. We have known countless expats who have decided some years into it that the grass back home now seems greener than they remembered. Usually, that perspective arrives by being underwhelmed or annoyed by certain aspects of the new country.

When you arrive having the perspective that you are going somewhere where you believe the grass will be greener, you are psychologically less well equipped to deal with the challenges or disappointments that that country will inevitably throw at you. Remember: you are the immigrant. The country and its people were already there, there are already systems in place for them. And guess what? Some of those systems weren't designed to cater to your background or expectations!

A great but rather specific example is when you find out only once there that your professional qualifications or university degree turns out not to be recognised or respected in the new country (do research this before you go, by the way!). There are untold numbers of taxi drivers in New York or London who are qualifed teachers or doctors in their home country!

On the other hand, if you arrive to a country to fulfill another purpose - getting married or taking a job etc - then that is your main motivation for being there, your main focus, and the country itself is just the "atmosphere" in which that purpose plays out. You will be busy making a success of that endeavour, and you will subconciously being trying harder to make that fit within the context of the new country. That does down better if you ou didn't arrive pre-loaded with untested expectations of how life would be there. You are more likely to discover for yourself the actual positive points of that country - some of which you hadn't known - and you will sooner see how well you fit there. You'll also be readier to shrug off the bad things, because, hey, you have something do to accomplish there and you can't just leave.

When we went to England from the US, it was for a job; not for "England". We would have never chosen the UK based on a pros- and cons-list. The reputation of its climate precedes itself! But that's a great example, actually. We were not there for the weather. We had no choice but to adjust to the weather. Only after being there for a while did we realise how rich our life had become there - good weather or not - and how much we had grown to love England. We integrated more naturally and could eventually joke like the natives about what was bad about the country, but without doing so in a comparative sense. We went there open, ready to accept the country with all its flaws, and in return the country and its people embraced us.

It's important to point out that we didn't go with the intent of emigrating! The "psychological" emigration happened years later, by default, once we realised we wanted to stay.

And that, my friends, is what has made our experience of living abroad such a rewarding experience. We didn't "go"; we "arrived".

So, by all means, do go abroad! Be a nomad, be a tourist, be a visitor, be an expat for a while. But don't move abroad for the country. Move abroad for your life, and let the country and life as an emigrant embrace you.